I've always wondered what makes people go out of their way to be cruel. I can't tell if its for attention or because they wake up, get ready, look themselves in the mirror and say " today, I'm going to make someone cry." Is cruelty really a part of human nature?

I suppose there's circumstances I've found myself in that have brought out a mean spirit. Back in my 'think i'm cool' stage, there was a lot of horrible stuff I did. Disciplined dogs with shoes, threw gay jokes at every given chance, and robbed people I grew up with. Yeah, I was a shitty person. It's still hard for me to think back on how reckless I was with people and accept that as 'me growing up'. But even during that time, I dont think I ever purposely went out of my way to be overtly mean or rude or belittling to someone I didn't even know. Even with my reputation, I was still the sweetheart. The one who had more girl friends then guy friends because I was capable of showing emotions and could actually listen. And that wasn't just a gimmick to get into their pants either; I was the kid who said 'I'm saving myself for marriage'... mainly... because I was too afraid to make a guy-ish move on someone. I may have, and still have, a tough exterior but I've always had the heart of a pillow.

Which is why, now that I've passed that mile marker in my growth and I'm no longer doing thoughtless acts for popularity, cruelty doesn't make sense to me. Now, I know that all of us have subjective views on what we like and what we don't. Physically, emotionally, food... we all have preferences. I get that. But my question is: do you really have to voice that shit publicly? Especially at the cost of someones feelings?

I'm a pretty superficial guy, I'll admit. I dont date heavy set women or women I dont find physically attractive. I highly doubt anyone would date someone that didn't attract their eyes in someway... anyway, this standard doesn't stop me from seeing someone for who they truly are. Just because I'm not physically attracted to you... doesn't exclude you from being my friend. So yes, some of my friends are bigger. And yes, sometimes I'll make fat jokes. But they know me. They know my type. They know that I'm 5 foot nothing and skinny and a big girl would make me feel even less of a man. So they get it. But when I'm at a bar, and my girl has to ask me if I'll get embarrassed to be seen holding her hand... or when she asks 10 times if her hair looks okay... I just want to send all my love towards her and tell her she's more beautiful then she could even imagine. And no one, NO ONE - can tell her different. She has an amazing, generous soul and even after just knowing her for a few months... she's like my older sister. I love her.

A guy stopped her as we walked out of this ridiculous igloo bar last night and said something that I didn't fully catch. I heard his friends say, "I'm not with that guy, I don't know what he's talking about". And even though I didn't hear the comment, her face told me everything. I asked what he said and she told me through watery eyes- "You wouldn't want to know or you'd go hurt him". Which was true at that point. She started crying and asking why guys have to go out of their way to make fun of someone at a bar? And being a guy... I felt generalized but it wasn't my position to get defensive. My job was to be a good friend. To tell her how great of a person she is and to not worry about what some lonely frat boy has to say. Fuck him.

And fuck all you dudes out there who do this shit and make it that much harder for us nice guys to prove were nice. Seriously. Believe me when I say making someone cry makes you a dickhead... not cool. If you want to hate anyone, hate yourself for being raised to think its acceptable to make people feel like that. That is not okay.

Hatred and cruelty will come back your way eventually. How ever you put it out there; verbal, action, or even on the internet. If you know the person, and you got something negative you want to say... say it to them privately. You two can have a nice little discussion. But don't go throwing stones in glass houses meant to keep out everyone but who you approve of. The world is full of people who dont meet our standards. People who are 'too big' or 'too weird' or 'too short' or 'too tall' and to be honest... thats what makes this life beautiful. The abundance of diversity, of personalities, of PEOPLE... who we just need to embrace for being themselves.