Over the years, I've been intrigued with the disgusting yet humorous happenings that take place on this internet. Watching MSNBC, squeamishly laughing at the pedophiles dumb enough to attempt to try to stick their dick in a 12 year old boy and a cat at the same time. Some who show up naked. Watching movies like "Catfish" and wondering how something so insane can happen to an individual. They have to be desperate. They have to be naive. They have to be on the outskirts of society and lonely and unaware of the probability that the person they're talking to... really isn't who they believe them to be.
I've always considered myself pretty commonsensical. I can feel tension thats unspoken. I can sense someone being upset with me without being yelled at. I can tell when I'm not welcomed with out having to be told. And I'll be the first to admit that I have done some ridiculously outside of normal things, but I never... EVER would have believed that I would fall victim to an internet scam.
This place is full of monsters. Vicious, carnivorous leaches. And even though I slept in that lions den, trust me when I say that I was afraid the whole time. It was not fun. It was intensely scary, more so then facing my own mortality or being left out in the cold with no clue where to go. There was no sense of stability. There was no sense of being awake. It was one fall after another. It was a fantasy... and it was all choreographed by a sociopath. By someone who had enough time to keep up with enough details on someone else who barely has enough time for herself, let alone... actually invest in a relationship with someone like me. It was the appeal... it was the lifestyle of the actual person... it was the idea she formulated of a 'safe haven' for someone who never knew the meaning ... it was this that kept me there. Locked me behind bars of manipulation, trust issues and lies. She spun words around my ears so tight that I never would consider opening them up to an objective voice.
I remember having conversations with this person about how I felt like I was becoming delusional. Like my reality was fictional. Like dreams where I fall head over heals magically with someone who is universally a babe... don't actually happen. And the person on the other side of the phone always reassured me of how great of a person I am and how she didn't want or need anything else and those were the hooks. Those were the things that kept me from wondering or putting energy into anything else besides waiting. But my instincts were right. And they still are.
This person is smart. However, this person has more problems then I can articulate or empathize for. But this person... is one of a million. There are tons of these people out there... some who want to harm you physically, financially or in my case... just implode your heart. She didn't want my money. She didn't want to kill me. She wanted to dismantle my sanity and take my love. It was unfair. It left me empty and suicidal. And thats precisely... what she wanted to do.
She's still out there. She's still finding ways to engage conversations with me via ANY way she can. And there's nothing I can do to stop her. Legally, there's nothing I can do to stop her. With her condition, and her devotion to the realm of make- believe, she will wear many faces... and use many names... and she knows my type so well that honestly, she could continue trying to sink those hooks in forever.
Yeah, I'm lonely. Yeah, I like my solitude. But I know now that those can't be reasons to let go of my instincts. That those shows- aren't just to point and laugh at... those shows and news casts and movies... are meant to tape your eyes open to the reality that there are some barbaric, negative beasts out there.
I know you read my stuff. I know your trying to take more time away from me. Its not gonna happen. I've already caught you once. You were sloppy and invasive. You left bread crumbs big enough for google to find.
You can beat an animal only so long before they bite you back. I'd recommend just letting me be. Get help. Be yourself. And leave me THE FUCK ALONE.
Wow. This sounds really asshole-like but I'm glad my internet experience wasn't that bad. The more you talk about what happened the more your making me want to know what happened. Tragedies always make the most fucked up interesting stories. I wish you well with the situation your going through though.
ReplyDeleteAs far as MartyParty I don't even know how to get ahold of their stuff. My friend had gangsteppin and that's all i've heard of. But thanks for the recommendation!
That would have been the last place i checked lol. But i feel you if I went through a situation like that I would delete everything i had on the internet, I like the way we're talking now anyway. keepin' it simple :)
ReplyDeletei had to go through alot of my stuff and delete it... and had to have alot of my friends go through stuff too.. she infected them as well. it was disgusting.
ReplyDeleteits a relief that your cool with just knowing this much... and having this amount of space between us personally cuz i didn't have a clue how i was going to rationalize talking to someone else of the damn internet:) but to be honest, its really hard for me to believe you're not the same chick. scary similarities.
Aw I'm sorry I remind you of her...i hope you don't mean that in a creepy way though haha. But I mean I'm not trying to get all in your business nor do I expect you to be all in mine, we're just talkin doesn't need to be more or less
ReplyDeletei feel you.
ReplyDelete