Second guessing is pretty much my second nature. Disregarding Malcolm Gladwell's sociological jargon from 'Blink', I always ask myself once or twice if I'm making the right move. If where I'm going is really where I want to go. I believe that logic is the only way to break that emotion-rationale barrier so instinct is rare for me to act on. Unless you throw a fist or a heart break at me, I'm always using my gears instead.
Being in processing with the military goes against everything I've ever been about. For one, I never believed the United States was doing the right thing over there. Exhausting billions into destruction and reconstruction. Fighting to solve fighting, and not even against the right people mostly. Marginalizing the entire Middle East as terrorists. Shifting racism and prejudice into 5th gear as terms like Hagi and Sand Nigger are now synonymous with Muslim. Unfortunately, I have to transform my morals for the sake of job security. Uncle Sam is the only guy hiring for untouchable jobs in the climate were in. So I had to drag the student out of me and start doing some research. What is really going on in the world? Who are the victims? Who are the terrorists? And what position do I want to play in this game? Center or bench?
I think I watched every documentary... ever. Some that were atypically known to put viewers to sleep, but I had a goal in mind: find a purpose. A reason. I covered everything from the genocide in Darfur to victims of the Mugabe regime. Including several U.S. military documentations of the war. And after all of the soaking and basking I did, I filtered out a few topics I need to touch on and address. Not only did I find what I needed, but also some much needed cultural awareness. So I'll just list off my findings.
1:) I will be going into the military knowing I'm pursuing my own goals, and not a collective US goal. Yes, there is some stuff I know I'll see or have to do that I wont agree with. I will have to look through that racial lens. I will have to see families missing members with only us to blame. Maybe I will be to blame. And it's not going to feel right, and its going to hurt. I am aware. But I'm pretty sure that if I get the chance, I'm going to go A.W.O.L and sneak into North Korea. I hear Kim Jong Il has an amazing movie collection and I want to get my hands on that... and him. Just saying. I have my ulterior motives.
2:) Moving on from Army talk, I need to point out how culturally retarded the U.S is. Our norms and our way is totally the reason the world see's us how they do. It disgusts me that I have to attribute myself to this culture. I have been raised here. No where else. Instilled with the righteous selfishness. At the same time, I can speak on this topic because I have been rebellious all my life. Rebelling against systems of thought. Of perception. Of normalcy. So as much as my super ego consists of this culture, my everyday consists of a mutt mixture. Which makes me happier now that I know just because my actions might not be normal here, other places they are. Let me explain....
First, the manners we're injected with at young ages are parasitic. We were always told/taught to say 'please' and 'thank you'. When we wanted something as children, our parents would ask us to say 'the magic word'. Now, if you break down those words from what we associate them with... what is left? For example: If I am doing something because you asked ME to, or if I'm doing something simply because I'm looking for you to thank ME... am I really doing any of that for you? Who am I really doing those things for? You fill in the blank.
Second, we have some horrid traditions when it comes to death. And if you don't understand what I mean, just dissect the entire process of a persons body after they pass on. What do we do? Well, we call an ambulance. We call 911. We call 'people who are trained to deal with the situation'. So they come, and take the body away from you. Now, because I've watched my mother die, I can account for what happens after all that. Well... you wait. You wait a week for the body and a casket and a wake and the funeral. And then you attend the funeral. And then you cry. And then tomorrow happens. Right? This is the process of a traditional American death. But take a deeper look at all of that....
Once the body is in the ambulance, it is surrounded by people whose job it is to do this. Who see 3, 4, maybe 10 bodies a day. They didn't love the person. They didn't know the person. So then they drop the body off at a morgue, where more people who didn't know the person get to touch and handle the body. After that, the body is drained of all natural insides and replaced with chemicals. Make up is applied. Nails are filed. All by people whose job it is to be there. Once again, more people who didn't know the person. Later, friends and family are told to come pay their respects at a wake where they stare at the manikin version of someone they used to know. This is the first time the body gets to be around more than strangers. Then the capitalistic funeral takes place, and this is when loved ones are supposed to express how much they miss the person and bla bla bla. Then someone who's paid to dig holes, digs a fucking hole and thats where the path ends for the body. This is also where us Americans end the death process. Take your nice legal week of work off and go back to life.
I dont know about you, but I'm damn well sure that when I die, however that may be, I don't want to be fondled and passed around by strangers. I dont want to be stared at naked on tables and drained of what made me live and then clothed by someone who never saw my swag. I want to be taken care of by people that I loved. Who knew how I smiled. Who saw me take my first steps or drove with me on the day I got my license. Not by someone who gets an hourly wage to prepare me and move on to the next body.
Some cultures do this. Most Native American tribes handle the body this way. And they dont have the funeral till 365 days after the persons death. The funeral isn't blacked out and full of tears either, it's stories and celebrating and food and love. Because honestly... who the fuck can get through all the stages of grief over 7 days of paid leave? And people wonder why so many can't move passed losing a parent or a child or a friend. WE DONT GET TIME TO GET OVER. The rushed process of death leaves loved ones without closure. And the sad thing is... the majority of state laws say bodies HAVE to be buried in this disrespectful way.
When I die, I'm going to leave a note on my body that says 'don't touch unless you know me'. I also want to be left in a field to be ate by something that can use me for more than a 3,000 dollar box.
And now I can start my day.
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