Not even 6 months ago, you left a comment on a blog of mine. It said..
"i think u have already embraced UR OWN insight! and for some people that can be the biggest hurdle.
i think it takes a lot of courage to let ur feelings out in the open, public, and that they're REALly how u feel.
i do believe everything happens for a reason and everything that has happened in ur life IS what formed u into the person you are today, some may call it BEAUTIFUL and some may call it ugly...its all what YOU make of it.
KEEP YA HEAD UP AND LIVE TO LIVE ANOTHER DAY!
live ur life the way YOU want to!
do what makes you truely happy and u will see each day will be better than the next if u live that way
PS. THANKS FOR SHARING."
Your words about living didn't fall on deaf ears. I listened. And today, even at the very bottom, I am still rejoicing for your relief. Your struggle, I wasn't aware of. I'm sure it was hard the last few months. If anyone knows the battles with cancer; the ups and downs of that demon, the brute force of toxins to cure toxins- it's me. I've watched the ones who brought me into this world go 1 for 1 in that game. I've caught up with individuals along the way who wear 'survivor' tattoos in the form of scars from neck to naval. The universe didn't place these events in my life arbitrarily. They were meant for me. Just like your destination was meant for you. I just wish it wasn't so soon.
If death is what it takes to bring all of us closer, then thank you. But not only for this; thank you for being that gem in all of our memory box. There are plenty of teenage stories you are apart of: after school smoke and rides, hazy friday nights in Kevins basement, my fancy local rave, and on some of my lowest days, you were there to pick me up and bog me out to let me forget. But you wont be forgotten. You will remain that gem. The tiniest girl with the biggest energy. You crazy little lady you.
I'm sorry I never got to say bye to you. Or smoke you down like I said I would. The toughest part about this is knowing your phone number doesn't connect to your voice anymore. I'll save it though. It'll be the gem in my phone as well.
You have so many answers right now I've always wished for. For many of us, this is heart breaking. But we have to remember to celebrate you. That death gives all of us more the reason to live with purpose. To not let the passing of your dad, or my mom, or YOU go in vain.
I didn't want to leave this on your facebook; I feel all of those comments are the same. Instead, I wanted to write this to you. For you. For your war and your heart and the memories. Rest peacefully, Shana. Hug our loved ones for us. We love you.
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