Black and White

We're battling a horrible communication epidemic in our society right now and its a bit sad. With shows like Jersey Shore and The Talk, it's hard to not pick a side in this battle of 'what gender role do I play' and I get that. Both male and female positions/qualities are openly displayed as rights and wrongs. I'm frustrated with the capability the media and closed minds have to segregate the sexes.

I took a class last year called 'The Study of Love'. It was an early class, and by early- I mean 10:30. However, this was always something I enjoyed waking up for. Next to my performance and English courses, this was one of the discussion based classes I always participated in.

Oddly, we had a text. I know; the first thought I had when I got the course guidelines was 'really? theres a book we're going to study to find 'answers' to love for tests and papers?!'. It didn't make much sense to me but at the same time, it is a class. You gotta have something to make a course this vague be credible.

I found myself to be the most vocal, honest guy in the room. I didn't hold much back and the majority of the reactions I got from my male peers was either embarrassed laughter or head nods because I'm saying shit they don't want to. I kept it 100.

One day, I walked into the class typically late and caught up to where the conversation was at. I asked the girl sitting next to me to pass me the outline, and at the top of it, it said ' Gender Qualities'. The professor began asking open ended questions about what things = dude and what things = chick. I didn't say much for a while. I don't really like generalizing.

The professor started writing columns separating men from women on the board. I understood the majority of the blanket statements my class mates were making but I was hoping the discussion was leading to some form of clarity on the subject. Finally a girl raised her hand and said 'Well, guys are more doers and more action oriented while girls are more abstract and have deeper feelings and stuff' ....

I listened. I didn't say shit. She's entitled to her opinion. What really brain fucked me was that the professor actually said she was correct. She told us to open our book and read what the author had said about this. In the text, the author of this completely subjective, biased theory stated - ' Women have a higher capability to express and feel deeper emotions. They are by nature more emotional.'

Thats what got me going. I laughed to myself and said to the professor ' Are you kidding me? How is that in anyway accurate or considered more than just an opinion?'. The professor ran me through the speech of how the author was a psychiatrist and she's done studies and bla bla bla... but I didn't care. It actually got me pissed.

'So your trying to tell me that just because guys tend to express themselves in more angry and passive ways that we are less emotional? Aren't those displays of emotion... emotions?! I can remember... well, all my relationships and I would cry. I would yell. I would storm off. I would argue and get jealous and get upset when she would leave me with no gas to go to work with. In the majority of my experience, I've found MYSELF to be the most emotional in relationship. And last time I checked, I'm still a guy. So thats just bullshit.'

This got the discussion going and apparently the rest of my class members felt that the book was right. One girl turned around and looked me dead in the eyes like she was going to rip my heart out of my chest and said 'Just because YOU don't agree with it doesn't mean the majority of others out there wouldn't either.'

I guess emotion is quantified by only feminine standards. I suppose, even though men might be a little more... manish?- about their emotions... this has to mean... men aren't as emotional! Right!? BULLSHIT. I wouldn't let this one die this easy. I wasn't going to sit idol and let a professor teach a group of students this offensive, generalizing nonsense.

Unfortunately, being in a class full of women, I didn't get much back up on my stance. So I picked my back pack up, grabbed my shit and left class after the discussion. Fuck that.


This, added to the media portrayal of ' men get angry and fight and fuck and ride horses and make the money and wear the pants' and 'girls cry and gossip and listen and understand and make the dinner and raise the children'... all of this just sums up to a box fit, cookie cutter society where there is no room for those descriptions to shift much.

Just because I'm a dude... doesn't mean I can't listen. This also doesn't exclude me from crying. This also doesn't mean that if I meet you at a bar that I'm trying to fuck you. This also doesn't mean that, because I'm listening to you, I'm going to try to fuck you.

NOTE TO EVERYONE : there are guys who can be... genuinely good human beings! AND ALSO: there are girls who can be emotionally incompetent!


Jersey Shore might show the 'dont care, I just wanna smoosh' attitude and The Talk might show the 'its good to have girls you can talk to cause they understand' attitude, but please dont let that become black and white. There is a HUGE gray area to these standards. There is a mass amount of universals shared between men and women. I find it belittling to be clumped aside with stereotypes and short handed because of other mens faults. THAT WASN'T ME. I DIDN'T AND WOULDN'T DO THAT SHIT. Period.

If I treated every female the way my conditioning with females has trained me to, I would be a dick and would lie and manipulate the shit out of girls. Fortunately, I don't do that. Unfortunately, I'm still generalized. Am I alone on this????