Plagued

"Last night I met God.

He was equipped with a divine cock to fuck our dreams.
Talk about awkward."

I wrote this a few months ago. This was my best attempt at a haiku. Obviously, I didn't follow structure once I got into the second line, but I rode with it.

Now a days, I feel like if there is a god of any kind, he is my arch nemesis. He and I dont get along very well. Maybe there's a communication issue. Maybe our calls keep getting dropped. Or maybe he just listens to my cries and laughs to himself about the misery I trudge through day to day. Universe, god... who ever controls the next step- you are truly not looking out for my better good.

To rephrase Weezy- life is a bitch and depression is her sister. And right now, I'm keeping it in the family. I've never struggled much with depression. I've always found someway to cope or get out of a funk. But apparently, old problems die slow. And come back faster than we hope.

My skin has been deciding to revert back to being a teen again. I dont know what the deal is but I'm fed up with being in my twenties and still getting acne. Fucking plague. I got rid of it for years; had to go through accutane at 15 and up until a few weeks ago, my skin was gorgeous. And now that my world has fallen, and my scenery has shifted, apparently this gracious, giving god/universe is mixing me up another remedy of depression that can be seen by the public eye. Awesome. Its one thing to be internally beaten and mangled but to walk around looking like a prepubescent wreck just tops it off. I want to just curl up into a ball and disappear. Why can't doctors find a damn cure for this already? There's only a few untreatable conditions on this planet and it enrages me to think that acne is categorized with aids. Thats a diseases but this... this is just annoying. And tedious. And common! COME ON MODERN SCIENCE! We've been dealing with this issue the same way for 25 years now; oral antibiotics, vitamins, lotions, creams, everything under the sun including juices and coconut oil.... and nothing has been found 100% effective?! NOTHING! And when you actually decide to go to a doctor to get treatment, those bastards tell you ' well, it'll take half a decade to see any results'. Oh, okay. So... I'm going to take some medicine that can clear up STDs in a week... only I'm going to take it for 20... and see little to no improvement? And possibly have it get worse? Why dont you just prescribe me a gun. I hear those work pretty well.

Regardless, I think I'm due for something to go right in my life. I've dealt with my fair share of agony, heart break, deception, physical ailments, loss, ect. I'm ready for something good. Unless life is just meant to be one hiccup after another until death, I am pleading for some clean air. Some glimmer of hope. Anything to validate the progress I feel I've been making....