Somewhere underneath all this emotional bullshit, I am capable of laughing. Yes, believe it or not, I do enjoy life sometimes. When I write, its usually because I'm stuck on a problem or trying to put some thoughts down so I can try to make sense out of them. I guess what I've forgotten to write about is the simple things; the daily glimpses of smiles and laughter I encounter instead of the tears and sorrow and grinding.
I woke up today and put on one of my favorite t-shirts. Most would call it an undershirt, but I think its sexy. And wrong. It says in big red letters 'Tips for Kids', and under is printed- 'Volunteer'. It makes me giggle.
I blow at my dog when she's asleep. Trainers and dogaticians try to tell you that blowing on their face is a sign of reassurance and comfort. But I'm pretty sure they're completely wrong. However, it probably reassures her that her dad is really annoying. She'll paw at the air and flare her lips and kick my side and get into the most uncomfortable position possible just to give me those side looks you give a little child who wont shut up in a restaurant. Priceless.
I have dialects with commercials to make them sound dirty or seem more obvious than they already are. If you ever catch me laughing for no reason during a random commercial, it's most likely because I added a totally awesome punch line in my head and just didn't share it with you.
I'm not a religious person. But if I was and had no basic sense of spirit, I'd be a Mormon. And only because I'm a man. Being able to convince 5 different women to marry you has to be like owning your own candy shop full of vagina. But I have a feeling it would become Junior High all over again. Except you could walk around naked.
I've always been curious why the 'nice guys finish last' theory exists. And I've realized its because nice guys are ugly. The saying invokes pity but its true; us nice guys have to compensate for our lack of looks. Shocker.
I'm fascinated with products that insure simplification of simple processes. For example, perfect ab machines. If your too lazy to do a simple crunch or form of crunch and you want to spend 30 dollars on a mechanism that has handles and clicks to tell you you've completed a sit up... you just dont deserve abs.
I love people who think that writing a cliche statement makes you enlightened. I hate to tell you but nothing you say is new. Nothing you stumble across on google is yours and nothing Lao Tzu wrote came from your soul. Sorry. I believe in plagiarism but I do not believe in copy and paste proverbs. Those just make me want to punch myself.
Lastly, I laugh when I watch Intervention. I used to 'feel their pain' and understand their trouble but after going what I've been through, I feel like addicts are just out of control, over sized children. And that show is completely set up to cater to these idiots. 'Lets boost their egos for a few weeks with camera crews and interviews and then at the end, lets gratify the damage they've caused others with a buffet of undeserved emotions and hope they accept the opportunity to take a vacation'. This idea is so wrong in so many ways. I believe the addicts should have the camera time, and the ignorance until the end- yes. But at the end, when they think 'they're going to their last interview', the van should be abducted by South American terrorists and taken to a remote area in New Jersey where the addict will be savagely beaten. They did nothing to deserve a paid room at a resort in California anyway.
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