technology: die you bastard

I'm going to shoot my computers.

I came home today after a few days away. Maybe 4, tops. And sure enough, all of my technological assets have become disabled, diaper wearing nothings.

First, I went to my laptop. That things old, but it has 30 billion ideas and pages of brainstorms and projects, including my current project I'm working on. And... sure enough, the damn thing wont boot up. It wont even boot up the installation disc for windows! Sweet...

So then I go to my desktop. That things even older but it has even MORE old essays, rants, pictures from vacations, etc- on it and sure enough... well, it works ( obviously, seeing how I'm writing right now). But, after scoping out my desktop, I realize... ALL OF MY FILES HAVE BEEN DELETED! Everything... I can't even find Firefox with out strip searching my hard drive. COME ON!!!

I'm trying to think of this in a positive way but I can't at all. I was thinking 'maybe this is just a sign I need to start over with a blank slate and that all my writing needed to be erased so I can begin new archives and evolve'. But really though... those were my memories. Those were the things I go back through and laugh at my stupidity or my careless emotions or my amazing ability to write 6 page essays on books I never read.

I did a lot of good this week. I helped my brother do a bunch of shit. I'm attempting to get back on the mentor wagon and start helping teach again. I went out with people and started doing again and started putting a little more effort externally instead of internally and what happens?... I lose more of myself.

I question karma constantly. What the hell did I do? I could go really deep with that one but I'm just gonna focus on this little chunk of life. What did I do this week that wasn't good? Yeah, I slipped a little on my addictions. Nothing major though. I didn't steal anything. I didn't hurt anyone's feelings. I didn't yell or project negative energy or anything NEGATIVE... everything was positive and yet I still get the good old finger from the universe. Well, right back at you mother fucker! I'm watching my own back from here on out.

Ugh... I'm going out tonight and getting sloppy. Fuck all this.