I've been shy on inspiration lately. Don't really know why, maybe I've just been busy. Maybe its just a dry spell. Not sure. Regardless, I've done a lot of thinking these past few days and I've come to the conclusion that I have really high standards. This isn't a new enlightenment though; I've been well aware for a long time that I hold a pretty high bar in certain areas of my life. So this isn't anything new. I just recently started to understand how these standards play out in my day to day.
This week was the finale for this juvenile home that I was invited into. The students have been working this semester on very personal pieces of poetry and this week was their performance. So, my job was to just help with the final edits and delivery/ oration of their work. It was kind of draining. I felt like I came into a class that I wanted to do 100 things for but only had the ability to do 2 or 3. I found myself wanting to strip all of their writing out of their hands and go home and reconstruct every last line. Some of them I did. I couldn't help but think that these kids had amazing, tumultuous, empowering stories that needed to be told but we didn't give them proper tools to do so. Simply writing is one thing. Getting your words on to paper is the first step. But some of the kids just left it there it seemed. Like they wrote their first draft and married that shit right then and there.
I can't really blame anyone. There was a fuck load of kids and only 3 of us, 2 during most the semester. In order to give adequate attention to each student, we would have needed at least 5 more people. And by adequate, I mean in order to get them up to my standards of stage ready students, we would have needed that many. Mind you, some of these little people wrote AWESOME pieces. I was amazed by some of the talent that was hiding out behind those white bricks and their tucked in shirts. So I'm not necessarily saying they sucked; to get up and say anything these kids did is a huge step in the right direction and deserves respect. However, I can say that I was pretty disappointed with the end result.
There are cardinal rules to getting on stage. That is how I was raised in this art. You abide by them or you suffer the consequence from the audience.
1.) Don't fucking disclaim your poem. If you walk up there and say,
'Hi, my name is Clyde and my poem is about bunnies and cake and my little sister,'
well then I dont need to hear your damn poem. You just straight up told me what to expect. If you walk up there and say,
'Hi, my name is Clyde and my poem is about when I lost my dog and how I felt afterwards and the new dog that I have now,'
again, I dont need to hear you poem. Disclaimers show that you think your poem doesn't speak for itself. Its showing that your unsure of your work. And also, its kind of slapping the audience because you think their not smart enough to pick up on the message.
2.) Dont fucking stop or back track if you mess up.
I can't tell you how many times I've messed up. I'll estimate once every performance I've done. It happens. What matters though is how you respond to your fuck up. Are you going to make it obvious? Or are you gonna keep going and try not to lose the audience? The sign of a good stage poet is someone who can mess up and not make a big deal out of it. This is really the sign of good stage presence in general. You mess up dancing, singing, or anything on stage, you pick up right where you left off and dont give up.
What will fuck you is if you have a partner on stage. Their mistake becomes your mistake and if they dont know how to recover, well -you two are done. In EVERY duo piece I've ever done, which has been two (for this reason), the other person has massacred our performance. The first time, the kid looked over at me as we were on stage in front of a few hundred people, put the mic up to his mouth and said
'Thats not how we practiced it.'
... meaning he didn't know what to say next so he decided to take time out from our piece and fucking tell me he didn't know what to do. Ass hat decison. And the last time I tried doing a duo piece, the girl skipped a hole chunk of my lines and then realized she didn't know where she was in the poem so she turned to me, jumped up and down emphatically and apologized to me... on stage... for forgetting what her line was....
Dont do that shit. You'll look like an idiot.
and 3.) The last thing you want to do is distract your audience.
One of the first things you figure out when you perform is what exactly your nervous twitch is, right? You perform enough to boil down what you do with your hands and feet when you get nervous. For some, its rubbing their ear. Others shift their weight. Me on the other hand, I play with whatever jewelry I have on. Rings, wrist bands, etc. So about 2 years ago, when I figured out thats what I do, I began taking off my rings and stuff before I went on stage. I still play with my hands when I'm nervous but I'm working on it. Ultimately, I want the least amount of distractions so you can focus on my words.
You dont invite people up on stage with you. You dont talk to people in the audience while your on stage. You dont use podiums if you dont need to. These are all just basics for me.
After the performance, I voiced how sloppy I thought it ended up. My brother responded by saying, 'Yeah, well that wasn't really our expectation out of them. This is most of these kids first time doing this at all. Its enough they got up there and did it.'
Maybe he's right. Maybe my standards are a little ridiculous. Maybe it gives me a jaded perspective on a lot of things. But I can't help but think that I can give kids the same amount of preparation and guidance as I had for my first time on stage. Before I got up there when I was 15, I got coached in everything. Had slam poets from around the nation come in on Saturdays and instruct me. I knew the do's and dont's. And because of that, I got up there and got a standing ovation. That was my first time doing anything like that. With the bar set low for us, I didn't set it low for myself. I knew my story. I knew it mattered. And I told it.
I believe I can instill that confidence in anyone who's willing to try. I dont want to settle for 'good enough for where they are'. I dont want to settle at all. I know that I can pay forward the same thing that I received back in high school. I wasn't a straight A student. I wasn't good at public speaking. I didn't even know I could write. But the second someone started molding me and shaping me and force feeding me literature was the second I realized I could do this shit. I can turn my life around. I can make people understand me when I feel like I'm alone. I can open eyes and inspire. There was nothing printed out and posted on my shirt that said 'Focus on me, I'm going to be awesome'. There was plenty of people who thought I should be expected to do 'only what I can'. But all it takes is one person to believe your better than that, one person to shove you face first into Shakespeare and say 'read this mother fucker, analyze this and enjoy it' and believe me, you can move mountains with enough support and faith.
I wasn't allowed to be sold short of 'always improving'. Thats where I was born and where I will be. I will give you that same push if you let me. I promise you, you are better than where you are. And I expect you to live up to that.
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