Spring break and such

First off, I am fed up with politics. Seriously. I dont think anything is more revolting. Other than maybe Swiss cheese. Maybe. But even that I can tolerate. Politics though, politics is like playing basketball blind. And upside down. It's all backwards and pointless and if you have half a brain, you wouldn't even try to participate. I remember back in 2008 I was so involved with that bullshit that one day, after work, I almost fought a guy on Westnedge for flamboyantly ranting about McCain. No joke. It got really serious. I remember I was so livid about a change in our government that I got in some randoms face and honestly, I dont really blame myself. George Bush sucked. Straight up. He laid a foundation of garbage for who ever was to take control and the last thing I felt was necessary was for another douche bag rightest to step up and make that pile bigger. That was my stand point. Thats how I voted. And I'm not going to sit here and say that Obama hasn't done anything, but I am going to say that my faith in government, specifically our own, has completely failed. I just dont believe we know what to do. And likewise, I dont know what to do. So all in all, politics is just horse shit. I'm sick of faces. I'm sick of diluted issues. I'm just sick of it all.


Anyway, I'm in L.A. right now. Spring break, ya dig. It's a crazy area, I have to say. Definitely something I'm not used to but something I totally could. Easily. There's a lot of shit to do. And see. And the energy is radiantly lax. People just talk to you. And smile and shit. Its cool. I've even got real cool with the security guard here at my hotel. Just sitting outside at 2 am smoking cigarettes, telling me his life story and laughing. But even in all of this exploration and this new little segment of my year, I'm finding that I obsess over not having like minded company. See, I'm here with my Dad. And even though I am far past that stage of "ew, parents", I catch myself casually using the word fuck and shit and ass hole around him and buying pieces at head shops and trying to walk into dispensaries while he stands idol outside in his wind breaker and New Balances and I'm starting to wish I just didn't come. That sounds really shitty of me to say, because truly I'm thankful to have a family member who is generous enough to let me tag along with him to visit my brother. And I am truly grateful that I really dont have to pay for shit or do anything beside wake up and enjoy the weather and drink and drive around. But at the same time, I feel uncomfortably removed. Like I'm forcing conversations about things that I dont care about. I mean, today when I went to see my brothers architecture firm, he was showing us around and telling us how things got built and so on, with jargon that was way above my head and what not. And as he's showing us around, I noticed a snazzy little basketball hoop they had literally designed specifically for the firms parking lot and I said,

"So, do any of those geeks in there come out and play with you or is this just here for show?"

"No, we play. We used to have some Mexican guys who were doing construction on the rail way come down and play us. But my boss fired them. So now its just me and a few other guys." he said.

"Mexican , huh?"

Then my Dad chimes in and says

"Well Mexicans can be good at things if you give them direction."

I began laughing hysterically. I looked at my brother and then back at him and said,

"Ha, what the fuck kind of racist shit is that? 'THEY can be good at things if you give them direction?' The fuck? And Mexicans right? Not, like, Spanish?"

My brother laughed with me but my Dad obviously missed the entire point of my comment and simply replied,

"Yeah."

So alright, my Dads not a racist. I swear. He's just old. However, that was a horribly racist fucking thing to say. But my point to all of this is that I can't joke with him how I naturally joke. Its uncomfortable and draining to try even.

Thats starting to suck I suppose. But to be honest, I'm just happy to be out of Michigan. Because that place is shit. Not the people, love the people. Just the place. Theres no life there. Its a wasteland of talent and good people and job hungry no bodies. It's a shitty place, truly. Stupid snow. Stupid humidity. Lame night life. Just shit. So when I came here, I had a few goals in mind.

A.) Explore

B.) Drink and meet people

and C.) Try to hang out with some people I've been meaning to.

The first two are a given. I'm just going to do that, naturally. But the last one I knew was going to be difficult. Most people have jobs and shit. Obligations that they can't just forget about because someone from somewhere is in their town. Even my brother can't take off work till Friday. So its understandable. But there was one person specifically that I wanted to come out here and see and out of everyone I got a hold of, she was the only one to completely ignore my email. Completely. Everyone else got back at me and some said they'd be available later in the week or invited me up to Hollywood but she... well, I guess she just doesn't give a shit. Not that she should, but it was kind of important to me. Its been seriously fucking with my morale. I mean, its not like I come out this way much. Actually, I've never been west of the Rockies and right now, I can't really predict the next time I'll be back out here. I felt that maybe, just maybe I could wedge myself into her schedule just for coffee or something simple. But I guess that just didn't work out for her... so much that she couldn't even just say no.

I've been seeming to get this a lot lately and I can't help but take it personally. Like I have some huge character flaw that revolts people like politics or Swiss cheese. A lot of friends I consider close to my heart have been straight up ignoring my branches to reach out and reconnect and its starting to fuck with my head. I just dont get it. I've come to the point in my life where I'm about two steps away from accepting who I am and the few qualities I have and being okay with them but I feel like every day I make these baby steps, I'm being shoved back by the reality of peoples feelings towards me. Sometimes we can perceive the way people react to us through an entirely projected view point of how we see our selves. But what about when we start to see ourselves in a positive light and the negative still keeps coming? Why does that happen?

I hate to say this, but thats just not fucking fair...

Anyway, its late. I got more adventures to dive into tomorrow. I should probably go to bed.