"Love isn't someone writing an epic sentence about loving you forever and hitting send."
I envy those who can speak about love like its familiar. Like its a dream they can interpret. Like its a race they've finished once or twice over the years
because I
can only talk about the starting line. I can only speak on the times I thought the starter gun would go off
but pointed down, without blanks and just lead. Purposely shooting me
right off my feet and hitting my chest instead. Slowly bleeding never helps your heart. Or
your understanding of the track its meant to take.
If I could invest in anything,
it'd be to research how to higher the I.Q of my feelings.
How I could get the application papers for
accelerated courses in love.
At times I wonder why I never got accepted,
why I didn't get the letter of admittance, jump up and down screaming
run to my parents holding the paper sent from the meaning
of security university.
And unlike MSU, it's not known for its medical program
though it does teach you how smile.
And its not accredited to the Big Ten
but it does make you
ten times more aware of what happiness might be.
Could be.
If only I had gotten that scholarship,
just maybe,
maybe I wouldn't be so stupid.
I've read all the poetry, listened to all the songs,
tried therapy, nights alone,anything
to attempt to make right of my hearts wrongs but
I never got that letter
and I never got the knowledge.
Instead my heart got into
some no named, low grade community college where
all it did was skip class,
smoke weed and drink.
I pretty sure it even got used to peeing in the sink.
All its stories are of parties,
the empty beds and hollow sorry's,
and it never showed me once it learned anything but a
dangerous hobby.
If it even comprehended the frailty of the structure.
The intricacy of its timing and framework at all,
but unfortunately,
the only benefit from my investment
in trying to better my education
has been the childish skill of simply just fucking
pressing send.
I need to be held back.
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