The beneficial aspect to letting loose my insides on a public space is that I get responses. Most days, its hard to pull myself out of an idea. Or let go of my negative outlook on a situation. After I wrote about forgiveness yesterday, I received two emails that shook me. Both in two different ways. Mind you, one is from a talented artist/brother/ awesome person and the other is from someone who isn't any of the above. However, its the thought that these two put into their words that's allowing me to post their reactions... regardless of form or structure or meaning. Both have beauty to them.
Totally understand. Just read your blog. Sending some positive energy your way. I love you and I'm proud of you. You deserve so much more than just to be treated right... you deserve to find someone who can help you see past all the hate you have for yourself. Someone who can help you see that when your mother left it wasn't because she didn't want to stay there with you. Someone to show you that you can choose to be anything you want; beautiful monster, fallen angel or anything in between.
I can understand some of the pain you're going through (in my own experiences) but I'm sure it must feel like you're all alone sometimes. Like falling backwards might be the best choice for you. Please here me when I say it isn't. There is a reason for all this, and not in that Cindarella bullshit way most people try to sprinkle over wounds like it will help you ignore the pain. No I mean there is something we all must work through in this life and for whatever reason you asked for a whole truck load of shit to get through in one sitting. And I guess we each choose large plates to get through this lifetime and we each choose to take it on while we happened to cross paths with each other. You're strong enough to take this on but just remember there are people here who are waiting to assist you when you need help. I'm honored to be one of them.
Take your time with it brother. And when you're ready to get back to work and attack this shit, I've got my battle gear prepped and we can go fuck some shit up together.
Love you brother,
G
and this next one is a little confusing but it was wrote by a confusing, horrendous individual who is responsible for the majority of my hurt right now. Bare with her though. She meant well. She's just severely ill.
So I know that "the devil" isn't supposed to be reading your stuff, but after you messaged me I got curious.
No you don't deserve to be treated like you have in every relationship you've been in. Your just a romantic and the girls you tend to pick have a way of reasuring you with sweet words while they stab you in the back. As for me, I was just a fucked up teenager in a fucked up situation, and instead of dealing with it on my own I dragged down a lot of people who no where near deserved it. You can block me on facebook again and never talk to me again, but you got me out of my blackhole. I know you couldn't care less about if I'm okay after all of this and this sounds so third grade but you made me become a better person. If there's one thing I could change about this situation it'd be to straight up tell you the truth so maybe we could of been friends. Believe it or not the reason I couldn't stop was because of the conversations we had. You're one of the strongest people I know, you're sweet, and your driven as a motherfucker, so I truely do hope everything works out with you because you do deserve it. Karma has to work both ways eventually. I'd be cool if we could still be friends ocassionally but even if you wanted to it feels like a million knifes made of ice are stabbing me when someone even says the name Tim. I'm not a writer sorry if that's not interesting enough for you lol. Don't get me wrong this isn't a plea of trying to get back into your life because I know you hate me, and you have every right to...just thought you should know you completely fucked up my world so I realized how bad of a person I was. Thank you, seriously. Good luck with everything.
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